Chapter 2: An introduction to Terrible

"behold the magnificence"

When trying to select a champion of all things that are awful, there are certain indicators that one can follow to give an accurate field assessment until all of the facts can be weighed. A great area to begin honing ones skills in worst identification is the popular and ever present automobile. While there are many different sub-categories, as well as an equally large number of different reasons for being classified as one of the worst in this field of study, It is safe to say that you should know it when you see it at which point you can now begin to try and classify your find. Take for example the Volkswagen Beetle, as originally designed and marketed, a very popular car. And although it had considerable design flaws ie: complete lack of heat, complete lack of power and, if you are a man who owns one, a complete lack of your own balls (1), they still don't quite qualify as the worst. As the "peoples car" they were affordable, reliable, saleable in almost every world market, fuel efficient and the list goes on

Continental kits are a big no no.

and on. But even with all of these points that place the Beetle squarely outside of the realm of the worst on it's own accord, individual liberty will often land it as a high ranking official in the awful army. Case in point the Beetle MrkV limousine? But of course. In this instance a deranged individual actually thought that this cosmetic conversion was an upgrade, and yet more difficult to believe is that someone actually agreed and took the money to bring this abortion to fruition. Besides the immediate bad taste you get in your mouth and the possible feelings of indigestion that are experienced upon initial viewing, let us breakdown the finer points of this monstrosity so we are able to accurately assess its worst point value. It should be noted that any Beetle, or VW for that matter, that has been disguised as any other marquee is an automatic 5 out of a possible 20 worst points. Square headlight conversion is 2 points, limousine proportions are another 2,  flimsy aluminum bumpers 1 point each, white velour MrkV captains seats 2 points (but -1 for making them fit) and lastly 3 points automatically for any add on continental kit. With the tally complete this particular specimen pulls down a solidly bad but not yet truly awful

Final score15/20


(1): lets get serious fellas, these cars are for chicks.

Chapter 1: Is it really all that bad?

Since the beginning of recorded time, man has struggled with the concept of good vs evil, light vs dark. Here at pessimism central control, we are determined to examine this age old question through a different set of glasses in an attempt to quantify this phenomena by showcasing and ranking some of the most awful "creations"(read: abortions) of mediocrity. As there are so many fresh examples of terrible coming on scene daily, the rankings created hereafter may be subject to change as worse examples make themselves apparent.....